Did some reading last night.

I finally got myself to look at mastectomy sites and info pages. You think I was worried and scared before? Getting close to the edge now.
I was sitting at the computer tonight and typing... navigating around the internet and realized that this was going to be radically different in four weeks.
I will have limited use (if any) of my right arm for about four to six weeks. That means... very little computer use, knitting, no driving.... no creating jewelry...
I'm going to need some real help to do just simple stuff. Taking a shower and washing my hair for example. ...
I realize that I'm getting ahead of myself here, but that's where my mind goes. It's going to be temporary incapacitation but still, for someone like me who's always been active and slightly ADD, not being active and needing help is a serious blow to my ego and well being.
I also make jokes and try to laugh as much as possible. I related to a coworker about my situation and the silver glitter ball that Katie gave me and she gave me a kind of sour face like it wasn't funny. I had to impress on her that it was a good thing and it really did help me out to get that.
I had a saying years ago when my marriage was falling apart, I was having to move and someone had a similar reaction to me making a joke about something and I said,
"I'd much rather laugh than cry, it gets more people involved around you and it's much more fun."
I'm debating whether to get a haircut as well. My hair is well past my collar now and brushing my shoulders. Getting in my eyes and over the top of my ears... but it looks kind of nice too. But then, given the limited situation I'll be in, is it a good idea to get it short now so I don't have to worry about it later?
Anyway... brain is wandering now, it's getting late and I've been up since 6 this morning. Wandered around with Devon and Ava downtown and all around.
It was great fun actually. It was nice to 'have an adventure' with her and Devon was having fun being an uncle again. He did miss everyone of course especially hanging out with Ava. She said she had a lot of fun, as someone her age would going somewhere different. We took the trolley from Old Town to within a block of the courthouse then walked and once inside had to take four escalators up and the elevator one floor.
Oh, it was the cutest thing.... there's the security check point in the main lobby of the courthouse and Devon and I had to strip off everything metal and put it in little containers. Ava had nothing to do so she stood and waited, looking around and seeing that she would have to walk through that gate thing with the police looking guy on the other side. I got finished first and stood behind her, the guard on the other side of the detector motioned her forward and said, 'Come on through little one.' she obediently went through and when he said, 'Nicely done, thank you' she looked up at him very politely and said, 'You're welcome'. He motioned me through and remarked that she had very good manners. I chuckled and thanked him as I moved forward and reclaimed all my things.

It was so adorable. I'm sure she was a bit intimidated by all of that and yet there she was being a 5 year old adorable little girl and using the manners that she was taught. Made me proud. Devon ended up having to fill out paperwork at probation and then they gave him a business card with a phone number to contact the offices after they had a chance to assign him a P.O. (Probation Officer, not Purchase Order..hehehe). We were only in the small waiting room for about fifteen minutes and luckily there was a 'busy box' for kids there so Ava could mess around with it and not pay attention to the conversations of the other guys waiting. Most of which would make me want to cross the street and avoid them. They were using language of course, but nothing more than what she would hear at home, but I still found it annoying. Devon finished and as we left one guy remarked, 'Very cute, she's about the same age as my daughter'.
What's annoying is that they gave him a card with a phone number on it. He doesn't have a cell phone and the only time he's going to have access to a phone will be after hours, when Dan and Amber are home. Have no idea how he's going to work that out.

And something else minor, but still annoying.
I was planning on seeing the re-release of Avatar in the theaters at the end of August. I may not be able to go to a movie at the end of August! Geez... Like I said, minor but personally annoying on my happy factor in life.

I am thanking the Powers That Be, this was caught early, and nothing more radical is needed. I'm going to be ending my posts with favorite quotes, random ones that seem to fit my mood and frame of mind at the time.

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Sheridan, The Long Night
The poem is the final stanza of Ulysses by Alfred Tennyson.

::Sigh:: I love that quote. Makes me square my shoulders and keep going.