Took some of the last bit of money on my EDD debit card and got the rest of what was left shaved off. Can't wait for the stubble to finally all go away.
I had one lady at work today ask me point blank, 'Are you going through chemo?'.
::sigh::
I nodded and smiled politely.
She sounded like she had been there or was close to someone who had gone through it.
I hate sympathetic looks. If I felt sick and acted sick then I would expect sympathy but I'm fine except for my hair falling out. So now..it's unavoidable, I 'look sick' because I'm wearing hats and have no hair.
I'm getting through it though, the first sign was making a joke about it. For the past three days my morning routine is wake up, sit up in bed and start pulling my hair out. lol!
So one of my comments to Katie was unavoidable,
"Look! I'm so ticked off I'm molting!" Iago, from Aladdin.
I've saved several handfuls to compare when my hair grows back in as well as showing it to the wig shop for a good match. Going to try and check that out tomorrow, if I remember.
I received a beautiful tam shaped, cable and bobble hat from a dear friend, who will be getting pictures when it's daylight again. I got another hat at the fabric store from a coworker who collects hats for various hospital charities, both children and adult.
The other brilliant statement which I don't remember if it was from the same lady or not, 'Oh, are you wearing a hat because you have to?'
And Katie came up with a wonderfully warped answer,
"Yes, because I can't show you my skinhead tattoo in public. Zeig heil!"
My idea was, 'Yes because I don't like frightening small children.'
I bought a dark green bandana yesterday and wore it all day at work, I discovered that I'm preferring darker colors because it's closer to my hair color. Kind of camouflage if you will, people expect to see something dark on your head and if it's there then they don't notice that it's a hat... psychologically speaking I suppose.
Also, I am not as brave as people think.
I will be avoiding looking in the mirror if I don't have a hat on. I don't like it. It's not me. Whatever you want to think, I have never liked confrontation and this is a form of that. Whatever coping mechanism works I'm going to use. I will look in a mirror to try on a hat or wig... but other than that... not going to make me.
To me, bald is not beautiful. Not going to any support group meetings either.
I went through family counseling and support groups when Amber was in rehab... I think I've got all the psychological coping stuff under my belt.
If I want to talk to someone, I have about ten people in my close circle of family and friends to vent with and they'll be just what I need.
I'm looking forward to the stubble falling out, getting through the final sessions of chemo and then planning a party.
Yes damn straight... a 'new me' party. I'll have new hair and new boobs by my birthday!
Last chemo session is May 25, give me about a month or six weeks to recover from that... hair starts growing back by June... then there's my boob job... which will take me out for six weeks... yeah.
Big birthday party this year. Brand new me!
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -
Leo Tolstoy
I beg to differ Mister Comrade...
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