Divorce on good terms is still a hassle and maddening. I remember telling my then husband that I wanted to try and make it work because 'I didn't want to become a statistic' of a failed marriage.
Well it happened, we survived, I packed up my house and three kids, and we moved on. We did not have the best situations after the first year or two. Homeless twice, but even if we were living in our car, they always had clothes, food and got to school on time. But I always felt like I had failed them. I did not come from a broken family, I had a fantastic family growing up, and yet somehow I did not follow that pattern. Life happens, we rarely meet the same kind of people our parents were.
All these years I have always carried that guilt with me about not doing enough for my kids (common with a lot of parents I know).
I was messaging with Kiri (my oldest) yesterday and admitted my feelings of inadequate parenting with her because she is going through a second divorce herself and she said the most amazing thing.
"It could be argued that your example allowed us to understand that an unhealthy marriage doesn't have to continue." I can see that’s an adult way of handling how chaotic things were happening when she was little. She was ten when we split up and things were falling apart, but when I told Amber she agreed.
My kids are awesome. I think I did okay.
Move is happening next week! Ack! Anyone else ever move and still have to throw random stuff into a box when they run out of time?? Kitchen is mostly packed. The front room pile of packed boxes is getting bigger. But my room still looks untouched somehow. I did go through my closet and pull out stuff.
I went through the three bags of random paperwork that had collected on my desk for the past six years and got it whittled down to a huge bag of stuff to shred and a bag of trash. Small pile of stuff I should keep.
Katie and I went down to storage two days in a row and cleaned out A LOT of stuff. Talk about being dragged through the back alley of memories and pummeled!
There's some stuff in there that was packed up from my first move to San Diego and never touched. Well, it got touched, ransacked, filtered and tossed.
I think we cleared out about a third of the boxes and got rid of one piece of furniture. White dresser that had my costumes in it which was missing the bottom drawer, so we took the costumes out, put them in another box we emptied of junk, and took the dresser to the dumpster. Three runs to Goodwill for donations and two dumpster runs.
Geeez!
The goal eventually will be to move all my stuff and some of my furniture out of there and into a smaller storage with Katie near our new place. Then the kids can start a smaller one for themselves. Storage cost has gone up almost $100 since I opened it ten years ago, time to downsize and save some money.
If anyone needs my new address, email or message me.
Brain is boggled by the thought of moving. Still hate it.
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