A rare depression day

Was having a great lunch today, made chicken strips and sat down with Jon to eat and watch a cooking show and suddenly I just got really depressed. I can't post anything online not even in discord about why since it's political and no one listens to my advice when it's sound logic.

I feel like a really close friend just died and I can't talk to anyone about it because they wouldn't understand. I'm going to Disneyland for a day in 9 days and that won't even cheer me up because I'm worried about my car driving that distance and Rocky being alone, two more bills to pay and again don't know how much my SDGE bill will be until tomorrow...I think I have enough to cover that and my phone bill and then I'm broke again.

One of the things I was looking forward to next year if Harris had won is the possibility of actually buying a house finally but that's shot down now. So many things are going to go wrong in the next four years and I want to try and do something about it but don't know what and couldn't make a difference anyway.

I try and be inspirational in the only way I know and get shot down for trying in some places. I might have to just stay off facebook for the next four years. I've already left a relatively useless group for Costco shopping because most of the time it was 'oh look at this really expensive item at this store' or 'anyone see this thing that's in one of the European stores?' Just thought at the time I joined it would be useful for seeing what's in stores but have been disillusioned like everything else.

I'm tired of trying to cook in a closet, tired of not being able to go out and have fun, go on walks, see some museums. You know, things that retired people usually do. Can't do anything but sit at home, look at my practically dying garden, look at yarn I can't use, projects unfinished and basically my life in general being sucky. I found out one of my Second Life friends is waiting for bypass surgery which is scary and he's in England so can't do much but try and keep up positive thoughts.

As Jon says though, we have a roof over our head and food in the fridge. But that may change in two or three years as well because there's an idiot that was put in charge again and everyone he's putting in place are against everything this country needs and should be doing. I'm seeing the death of our country falling apart and not a damn thing I can do about it.

My knee feels better on the plus side. I've been wearing the brace every day, taking it off at night and it's made a difference. Here I was hoping to get more exercise and prep for walking all over Disneyland and get laid up.  9 days is not enough time to do enough exercise to toughen my feet and tone my legs. Will try and do some walking tomorrow but take it easy so I don't stress the tendons too much. Still haven't heard from my doctor and that's another shoe ready to drop as well. 

Then there's the jury summons I got on Saturday. So need to fill that form out online and then call the Thursday immediately before the reporting date which is December 6 which is a Friday. Luckily it's for the local courthouse and not the main downtown one. IF I'm told to report.

So lots of things in a wait and see situation which I hate. 

Which could be a big part of my problem today. A lot of unknowns and fear of what might happen.