Okay...I'm scared now.

My surgeon called today after looking at the MRI. They found another lump in the same breast. Far enough away that they can't just take out a chunk. It's going to have to be a mastectomy for sure. Yeah. About that....
There were some benign shadows in the other one but he wasn't worried about those. I'm waiting for a call from radiology to do another sonogram in the area and get that measured, then it will be time to schedule surgery.
It is psychologically unnerving to have this happen in the first place. I was not looking forward to being under for an hour and a half and then going home all bound up.
Now....I'm looking at three to four weeks of recovery, getting fitted with a prosthetic and special bras... not that I was built very big in the first place but still...
I hate the idea of being in the hospital, being put under and waking up in pain, bandaged up, having an IV. The only major surgery I've had was kids. My first one was complicated and they had to put me under to stitch me up (not going into details), needed to have blood and was in the hospital for a week. The other two were a walk in the park comparatively. In and out in a day or two. That was when I was 20 some years younger too.
My brothers know that I've always hated needles and shots. I got used to it to a certain degree when I was pregnant. Now... it's scary. Really. They have my full and undivided attention on my fears now.
I wanted to finish up my life uncomplicated, easing into the sunset and dying in my sleep.
Now, I've started my 'bucket list'. I likely won't get to much of it, due to it entailing travel long distances, but it's a dream anyway.
Talib and Olivia have travelled to Europe and Italy several times, gone across country, seen other places. Bart was in the Navy, he's travelled extensively due to work, he's been to Hawaii.
I want to go there someday. I also want to see Ireland, the midwest, Australia, hell I'd be happy to see Tahoe again at this rate! At least that's a weeks vacation and doesn't involve a passport or airplanes! (that's another one, I HATE flying!)
At least I was able to break my mom's 'curse'. Her mom died before she could see her granddaughter born, and my mom died before any of my kids were born. So at least I've been able to see almost all of my grandkids. (two are on the way and one I haven't seen in person yet).
I know there are lots of women who have survived having a mastectomy successfully but as Talib said, this kind of starts focusing your moments and making sure they count.
(For those that read this that aren't family, it's pronounced Tuhleeb).
So once again, we're in the waiting phase for a phone call and appointment. I've pretty much consigned myself to writing off August and possibly part of September.
My previous comment about not being so resilient? Feeling like a sack of mashed potatoes right now.
I think I'll watch a movie. Get something to eat. Devon and I didn't get to downtown and Probation Wednesday so we're having to do it Thurs and will have to take Ava with us. Dan has work and Devon is designated sitter.  It will be an 'adventure!' With better planning this time!