Nothing too new but reconciliation and explanation

 I have been feeling fatigued and tired more than reasonable lately. At first attributed to not getting good sleep, frequent bathroom sessions that leave me drained and generally not 'on top of my game' as it were. When you are more aware of your usual body signals, much like noises in a car, you know when something is off.  

With the mood swing and exhaustion and everything I decided to follow a hunch and look up the side effects of one of my meds. Sure enough, and it's the 'chemo' pill I'm taking. 

Hot flashes and night sweats

Joint and muscle pain or stiffness

Extreme tiredness or fatigue

Trouble sleeping (insomnia)

Headaches and dizziness

Nausea or mild stomach upset

Mood changes, including low mood or anxiety

Hair loss or thinning  

And there you have it. The first four , skip the headaches and nausea then continue with the mood changes and hair loss. The night sweats and hot flashes, can't tell when it's hot outside and inside whether it's me or the weather. Everything else though, yeah pretty much the check list. I was wondering if it was my imagination that my hair was thinning out in the back but nope... side effect.

I'll have to verify with my doctor on how long I can expect to be on this. Info online says anywhere from 2-3 years to 5-10 years. The second number is for 'primary' breast cancer, I don't think that applies to me but will check with the doctor. i can let her know that the side effects are impacting my life a bit more than I think I can tolerate.

Other than that, Jon and I 'made up' last night, both of us realized we had not been communicating effectively, mostly on my end. If I'm planning something I need to tell him in detail what needs to happen or get done and then repeat it to remind him however many days ahead it is. Reminding him the night before of an appointment the next day for me, plans to go to the store or pharmacy. Make sure his attention isn't being divided with anything else so the message gets through.  He had completely forgotten when I told him initially I wanted to go to storage after my doctor appointment and wanted to clear the corner so we can decorate for Christmas. All he heard was 'will be in that general direction of storage and want to drop things off'. 

A wonderful friend who has helped me with food and I've given her and her family rides to airport and places has offered to give me a ride home from the hospital when they release me. She also offered foodstuffs and any other things like that (due to her extreme feline allergy she can't come into the apartment at all). She said that she has another very good friend going through a worse bout of breast cancer treatment but is across the country so she's transferring what help she can to me. Again, I am forever grateful and count my blessings for friends and family that are able to help when needed. I wish I could do more in returning the favors in a larger way than heartfelt thank you's and yarn trades. I was going to trade the huge bag of yarn for some veggies she had to spare so when I told her I just took it to goodwill she said it's all good, she put the veggies up on the 'no buy' site for her neighborhood anyway. It all works out one way or another.

Shawl is coming along nicely, colors don't really show well in the lighting and I even tried to adjust the tint a bit but it's close enough. Still working on two other pairs of socks, plans for at least two or three others and not nearly enough needle sets in the sizes I need. Sock knitting is wrecking my thumb so have to work on the shawl for a day or two then the socks, and alternate that way. I'm sure I mentioned that before so sorry for the reiteration, not much else to talk about that I can remember.

 If I can't remember it, must not have been important right? Brain fog fatigue, that's what it is.  

Goodnight. 

  

 

 

Time is set. Hooboy

 So first, the weather is continuing to be very pleasant, brezy and warm but not hot so for another hour or so at least we can keep everything open and air flowing. Despite that I haven't been sleeping well and can't figure out the cause. 

 Here is a picture of Rocky, sitting as close to 'daddy' as possible. Jon is not just allergic he doesn't like clingy animals or people for that matter. So typical cat behaviors of sitting on his lap and making biscuits, not happening.

So. Surgery slots are apparently first come first served and Camberos decided he wanted first opening slot. 7:30 am. Which means 5:30 check in, which means 3:30 wake up for me. Because it's so early I let Amber know and we mutually non-verbally agreed that shuttling was not going to be her job that day. She did offer to pay for a Lyft ride though and then Jon and I agreed that as much as I'd like to have him there, it would pretty much be useless. He would have no way of getting home other than Lyft and so he'll stay home, say goodbye when I leave and he can go back to bed. As soon as I'm conscious enough will call him,  probably around lunch. Two and a half hour surgery typically so yeah by the time I'm in a room it'll be lunch time.  

The plan for reconstruction is the right side will basically be the same as it is now but softer, the left side will be reduced a bit with taking out the implant and possibly putting in another. Third time he's talked about it and third time it's been different. If he did add tissue to the right side it would be coming off my hips/butt area. I don't need more wounds to heal at this point so just getting them a bit more equal is all I'm looking for.  Good news is, I don't have to sleep sitting up for a week like last time, nurse said only three days and that includes the day of surgery and then I can sleep on my back only.  That's a big relief for sure. But then I won't be able to take a full body shower for a week. 

Anyway. I really wanted to sleep in another hour this morning but Jon sprang out of bed hours earlier than necessary because we had to leave around 11 for my final appointment with breast surgeon. And making a trip to storage on the way home, which I didn't communicate effectively over the previous few days. But then since getting our shots on Monday, neither of us have been feeling on top of things and so there you have the breakdown of communication.

I told him last week that I had an appointment in that direction and wanted to swing by storage and pull some Christmas stuff out and get other stuff put in. Well, me not wanting to pressure him didn't say anything until yesterday which he also forgot. I started collecting stuff from the corner and being exhausted was sighing and he took my noise and sighing as signs of being angry with him. Apparently I should have been 'nagging'/reminding him every day instead of thinking he would remember. So me not being in a good mood and him not being in a good mood made for very strained movements and communication. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After and before. Hard to tell because of the fan but he moved a lot of the boxes of his yearly records and stuff under the bed. We took the two dining chairs and the stool out and the big bag of yarn and a few other things to goodwill. It did make a difference.  So much more that could be done but we are out of time until mid October again. At least I got some Christmas stuff out, the garland and some ornaments. When I opened the storage door the hope of finding my box of knitting books was immediately tossed. That will have to be another day unfortunately and because Jon was in a subdued mood I wasn't going to do much other than get the boxes I needed and pull a few things for goodwill. Which turned out to be the tiny charcoal bbq and a cat bed Rocky used when we were in hotels. That was it. So not much of an exchange really and hoping to work on communicating to Jon my intentions a bit better. So much of what is in my storage is large boxes of things that are Jon's. I wanted to ask if he could part with the folding table saw but it wasn't the right time. Going to have to make the time to be the right time but again, with the way things are going I don't know when that will happen.

I still haven't called SDGE because I mostly figured out the bill on my own. The total due was for what I owed in regular use and the past due. I was able to pay the past due and now the remainder isn't due  until October 3. Go figure. Projected bill for next month is going to be even more heinous than this one unfortunately. And I still have a lot of questions for how the bill is set up. As long as I can pay on time or before I think it'll be okay.  I tried to use their AI chat bot to ask but it kept defaulting to 'how can I help you' so I gave up.

Now have to get my list of hospital stuff to take with me, arrange to wash the bedding the day before, dang left my instruction folder in the car, will get that later. Need my meds for sure, phone charged, not bringing laptop, one sock knitting project. Will be hooked up to an  IV until discharge most likely, SOP for post op. Regular hourly or every four hour vitals checks, won't likely get much done but I refuse to watch hospital tv. If I'm a good girl and have no issues will discharge me sometime on Saturday, hope I get to have that lobster I missed out on last time.

Oh and just a CMA (cover my ass) I mailed off the two multipage forms that Medical was requesting that apparently they didn't accept electronically. Will see what happens because that due date I thought was the 20th but the two forms I found were for the 18th. Hope I haven't screwed up. The only way of contact on this page is to send a 'request to ask for appointment with case worker'. Right. If they needed a specific question clarified then they should have sent me a direct message saying so instead of asking for my bank records for the past 30 days and the specific asset form filled out. 

Anyway. Will go do some knitting, got the Lyft app installed on my phone so I don't have to worry about that the day before. Dang that other form for payment exemption... off to the pile of papers.                                      

 

 

Weather trending down thankfully

 Only in the upper 80's but the way things go, still have to turn ac on in the afternoon. 

So pleasant enough in the evening we can actually turn off the ac and just have the windows and door open with fans running. I'm keeping the bedroom light off when I'm sitting at the desk and only using the overhead desk lamp. Trying to conserve electricity as much as possible now and also not using the oven and stove so just heating up leftovers every other day in the microwave or on the stove.

Doctor confirmed that my heart is just fine and no cardiac pre screening needed before surgery. Had a heck of a time trying to find the  Iron with vitamin C supplement anywhere near me until I read her directions again and it said 'dietary or supplement'. Well geez, not being an effective reader there, so since I was going over to CVS anyway I made an appointment for a flu and covid booster. Doctor confirmed those were good but don't worry about the RSV right now. Jon also got his booster as well just before mine so we're all set in that department. Arm doesn't hurt right now but will see how it goes in a few more hours and tomorrow.

I paid the 'past due' amount on SDGE which was only $35 and change since a friend sent me some money to help deal with that. When that and the phone bill clears I'll see what I've got left. Doing an instant transfer from paypal took out a few dollars because I wasn't sure when that would hit the bank either. I'm hoping we get money on October 1 so we can do a little food shopping before I'm laid up for surgery. I've got enough gas in the tank for my appointment on Thursday and after that I only have a phone appointment for the pre-anesthesia interview. I'm hoping they will have a time for surgery by then so I can tell Amber. Don't know how we're going to handle that if she can't give us a ride, if we have money will use Lyft but it depends on the time.

As everyone knows I love Jon dearly, would take a bullet for him and take care of him for the rest of his days but let me tell you about his lack of forethought. 

He is a bit compulsive about cleaning things. He hates the feel of greasy things in the kitchen so if he doesn't have his favorite 'all purpose cleaner' (called 'Awesome' and I have objections to using that on dishes as well despite the instructions saying it can be used) he'll use rubbing alcohol in addition to the perfectly good dish soap we have, which I also have objections to. He recently bought a three pack of Lysol disinfectant for the bathroom. Well it's an 'all surface' thing so what does he do? He sprayed the inside of a small mason jar and the lid to disinfect it due to it having moldy whatever in it. The lid is an appropriate plastic lid for canning jars and he then filled up the jar with water and left it on the counter for a week. I wanted to make some ranch dressing and that jar is a wide mouth and perfect size for 2 cups of dressing. Right. So he had rinsed it out and left it on the counter to dry and I opened it.... I was feeling unreasonably ticked off about smelling lysol chemicals in one of my storage jars. I used some baking soda and hot water to hopefully get rid of the smell. After doing that process twice, shaking hte contents well, the glass jar was fine, the lid still had a faint musky perfume odor. I was not going to take a chance with a milk based dressing and that lid. Luckily I have a few spares up in the cupboard and was able to contain the dressing without extra flavoring.

As an aside, I discovered all this the other night (wee hours of the morning actually) due to gastro upset lately I wasn't sleeping well. So I was not in a good mood to begin with, in the morning just before I started making lunch I gently let Jon know that lysol is not to be used in the kitchen for cleaning anything. He ducked his head apologetically and admitted he goofed up. I hope that my firm but gentle tone was enough to let him know I was displeased. The compromised lid I put up in the cupboard under the box of the other lids so I won't be using it any time soon. 

When he's nervous or anxious he tends to get into hyper-clean mode. So deep cleaning the fans and using 'contact cleaner' on the moving parts which smells like a solvent. Oh and we haven't compiled anything in that corner yet. No surprise there. I'll mention it to him after he wakes up from his nap. 

Nothing new in the garden, it's fallow until further notice which will likely be around November or December. Knitting is progressing, two pairs of socks for presents in addition to the other two finished, plans for a hat, another pair or two of socks at least. Have a trash bag full of yarn I will never use and hope to be able to trade that for some fresh veggies on Thursday. If we make that side trip then we may not be able to get to storage. I won't have the gas or money for filling the tank unless I impose on someone for help with half a tank. (insert loud and angry invectives at current administration)

Okay arm is starting to feel itchy and slightly bruised where the shots were done. Going to do some knitting and move my arm around to get the circulation going. Maybe an ice pack in a little bit.

Deep breath and release. 

 

Note from the doctor and more heat

Weather is.... still hot, but cooling overnight thankfully. Right now it's 7:30 and 80 but should be below that in another hour or so, yay! Get to open up just in time for Jon to come in at 9 and want the AC on again. I am going to try and convince him otherwise because once we close our door there is no air circulation in the front of the apartment and the temp shoots up to 88 or 90. All night. 

 

As for the doctor note, after she got a look at my numbers she came up with just the list of veggies but also an iron supplement with vitamin C. The message sounded like it was almost AI written or something because every sentence started with 'Please' and the directions almost sounded contradictory. Not to mention forgetting that I am currently still having diarrhea and I should take the supplement with food and might need a stool softener.  Really? Yeah I think those were generic directions from someone. I had sent a message before that to ask about getting my RSV and Flu shot as well as my Covid booster but she hasn't answered that. I'm getting reminders from the pharmacy as well as Sharp about it and wanted to make sure it was okay and far enough out from surgery.

Can't send any other messages until Monday any who. 

The tomato is toast. I didn't get out to water for three or four days and the soil is dry as a popcorn fart. Wrong time of year for it and just bad timing so that bed is completely empty and the only thing I have in the ground is the oregano and that's going to get pulled as much as possible as well. As soon as it cools down a bit more. 

 

Been getting a lot of knitting done at least. On the fifth color of eight now so still a long ways to go. Might have it done by end of October, maybe. I'm also working on two pairs of socks for Christmas presents, so alternating between the projects due to hand fatigue.  

Getting tedious but also exciting seeing the progress but there's also a mistake in that center cable that I am not going back to fix. It's now a design element.

And speaking of Christmas, I got a sudden, I don't know how to explain it. Not an urge but don't know what that I wanted to decorate for Christmas this year. Like almost a premonition that I was going to be happy and want to decorate and have that wonderful holiday feeling. The problem is... clutter corner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want to put our small tree up on the top like we did our first year together. That's an invitation for Rocky of course but will see what happens. All of those CD's are Jon's. He's got boxes of old mail that's 'important', bills, things like that in small boxes, the bags are sheets that need to be washed on the bottom and a bag full of yarn on the top. 2 kitchen table chairs we've never used, the high bar stool, we've never used, a cat food storage container that the cat food needs to go in.... and bags of bags and packing wrap. The booster stool is absolutely necessary so that stays, and then we have six gallon water jugs for when we run out of money for a case of water we go over to the water store and can get a few gallons for a few dollars. That brings up another storage issue entirely.

So yeah.  I've been wanting to get that corner decluttered for a few  years. Not going to go there with the bookcase of cd's. I told Jon what I wanted to do and of course he gave me a thumbs up but.... I don't think he realizes how serious I am about this. I want that all decluttered before November and considering I will be making 'regular' trips to Scripps Ranch doctor Next month and the month after it has to be done soon. (can you tell we're Star Wars geeks?).  Jon is an emotionally attached pack rat. He will 'collect' things because in his brain he thinks he'll be able to sit down and watch a full season of 'Monk' or the boxed special edition of Wizard of Oz. I have all my videos in there too and yes, emotional attachment is there for me as well. But all those CDs have all been transferred to his computer now. We don't need them taking up space in the front room.  But we also need to get rid of a LOT of stuff in storage. I know a few things that can go and I can rummage around for my books and some cross stitch boxes for Logan. Will see what happens next week when we are over there.

Then there's the cupboard in the bedroom. He bought a pair of fancy toed cowboy boots for cheap a few years ago and has not worn them once. All because he used to have a pair like them when he was younger.  There's electronics stuff that is not functional, a bag of assorted power cords, another box of 'important papers', the tool box, assorted glues and lubricants.... that stink up anything in there..remember the sheets? Yeah, that's why they're in a bag in the front room because there's no room in the closet and they were going to be washed but he kept putting off that large a chore.

I feel like I'm in nesting mode. Which kind of makes sense since I'm headed into surgery that will have me laid up for a few weeks. Well not badly laid up but not fully mobile and able to function completely. 

(whoohooo! It is now 77 degrees outside and we have opened all windows and the door! Yay for fresh air!) 

Okay, going to take a bio break and get some more knitting done and make a list on paper of what is in my head of things to do. 

Nesting syndrome, yep that's what it is. 

 

 

 

 

ANd that explains it..

The last few days I've not been feeling up to snuff. Wanting to take a nap either just after breakfast or middle of the day. Remember what I said about me needing naps means there's a problem?

 

Had my primary doctor pre-op check up today and she had me do a metabolic blood check. I didn't even tell her I hadn't been feeling well but my potassium has been dropping for the past few months and I had forgotten about that. Well the blood test has now shown my potassium is 3.3 and hemoglobin and hematacrit are also low. No wonder I've been feeling like crap and especially after my nap yesterday the way I felt was exactly how I felt in January (although not so bad as that since I'm not on that chemo anymore). But the lethargy and over all bleh feeling was there. I forced myself to make two BLT's after my nap yesterday and it did make a difference. I thought maybe I was just hungry, but turns out more than that. 

So I'm low potassium, low calcium and blood counts are low. Not surprising on that last one, considering I've been having issues for that coming out my back end. So now I have to load up on all things high potassium and possibly calcium (got milk? Butter? Cheese?)). 

Veggies and fruit suggestions from the doctor:  avocados, oranges, spinach, carrots, tomatoes, sunflower seeds and of course potatoes. If I have to eat any of those every day, the only ones I can do would be potatoes, tomatoes and sunflower seeds. Avocados are a once a month purchase, those of you who have had them know what I mean. Price is high and viability is very short so as much as I love that fruit, it's a splurge purchase. What is really interesting is when we were at the store I looked at the large display of navel oranges being only .99/lb and kind of whimpered. I love oranges, and then in the check out line I saw the small tube type packages of seeds they have there and thought, 'sunflower seeds sounds good right now'. So my body was telling me something even then.

So that's my status right now and got a call for the pre-aenasthesia appointment so that's set, final pre-op for surgeon is in about a week or two and it's going to come up all of a sudden and be like, 'oh my god it's night before surgery!'. Actually got that call just exiting the doctor office and was in the lobby so that was good timing for them. That's only a phone call appointment but have to set aside a 2 hour block even though the call only takes 20 minutes. Typical doctor visit in other words.

Deep breath.... oh and the weather is still heinous but there's puffy clouds moving overhead right now, got up to 104 today and is now down to 99 and partly cloudy. 

 

 

 

A week in and already broke

 As usual. Story of my adult life.

Overspent on groceries by $15, had to use the 'reserve' in the joint account for shampoo and conditioner and corn starch (Jon uses it) and then just enough gas in the car to get me to the end of the month. Not enough left to get Rocky his full 3 month flea treatment. I 'might' be able to get one month for him but not three. 

Jacaranda outside the kitchen window, tried to adjust the shadows but that only made it worse. It's been horrifically miserable for the weather the last three days and even worse with the tropical storm/hurricane that sideswiped us. 90 degrees and 65% humidity.  

Today just a few minutes ago. Morning prediction said it would get about 90... reality begs to differ. We've had to run all the fans 24/7 and the AC over night twice so that's running up the electric bill over $150 but won't know the exact amount for another week. The number doesn't matter really either I pay storage or I pay SDGE and the other bills. 

To top things off I'm not feeling very on top of things with everything internal and all that the last few days. I still can't figure out what foods I'm having that causes things to go wonky even worse. It's hard to eat the same things every day when I have so many choices. Cutting back on sodas to one a day again (for me at least), still having wheat bread but not the 'whole wheat' good stuff. Makes it difficult to buy healthy food enough for a month when everything is so expensive now.

At least I've been getting more knitting done, sort of. Working on two pairs of socks has done a number on my right thumb so went and bought a 'wrist and thumb support glove' and taking Tylenol as often as the bottle recommends or as often as I need it after 8 hours. 

Not sure if I'm going to take a nap didn't sleep very well last night, either tossing and turning or on the toilet almost every hour or two. Hard to take a nap with Rocky layiing up close to my pillow but can take off my shoes and lay sideways across the bed.

And that's what I did. Wasn't exactly a comfy nap but I needed to close my eyes for a couple of hours apparently. Wonder if it's the 3x day med for my legs catching up on me? The sun is about all the way down so the temp is now 95. Won't be comfy enough to open up for another couple of hours like last night. 

I've got a pre-op appointment with my primary tomorrow then likely another pre-op with the surgeon but I have a reminder for getting my flu, RSV and Covid booster shots in my files. Will ask the doctor about that tomorrow as well because not sure if that's going to interfere with surgery prep whatever.

Okay, once again there were other things on my mind I wanted to t ype but can't remember what they were.

See ya! 

 

New month, how you?

 Today the weather is actually reasonable. It is now 4:15 pm and we have not turned on the AC as yet. It only got up to the mid 80's while we were out for second round of groceries at Costco and since it was still breezy and reasonable, didn't bother shutting up and turning on the money eater.

 Rocky curled up like a pill bug on the bed. Still have to get his flea control because I keep forgetting to stop at the pet store when we're in that direction. I discovered it's basically the same price there ($50) as it is getting it from Chewy but would have to pay shipping getting it online. 

Infusion on Monday went as well as usual, have a pre-op appointment later this month, then another pre-op then the long/short wait until surgery. I still don't know what time the surgery is and Amber has already started school with work on the weekends. Since surgery is on a Friday depending on the time she might be able to give us a ride. I don't know how that's all going to work out though and likely will not get figured out until the last minute.

 I have stressed my right thumb sufficiently knitting so much that I had to buy a compression glove. Not the best but will do and not knitting as much or on certain projects to give the tendons time to recover. What would really help is taking some anti-inflammatory but that's not happening unfortunately. This has happened before and suggestions have ranged from changing the way I knit to laying off knitting entirely for a week. Well, neither of those is happening either because I have Christmas presents to make and learning a new way to hold the yarn would be just as stressful on my thumb. The glove is helping though when I'm knitting or using my hand a lot. 

I've got about $66 left in food money to get the remainder of the groceries. I only bought the bare minimum hamburger, chicken breasts and shrimp for protein. I did score a big 2 lb bag of sti fry veggies that is a better mix than what I could find at F4L. Oh..and Jon saw the first wave of pumpkin pies were out already... so that's in the fridge as well. He wanted to get a bar cake today and had to tell him, we don't have the room with the pie. He pouted but agreed and we finished our shopping picked up a package of pollo asado for tacos later in the month as well. 

Rent check is delivered waiting for other bills to suck the life out of the bank account. There's a possibility though of moving out stuff to a newer storage place much closer and much cheaper. I've delayed long enough though that the size we need may be gone by the time we have money for it again. With renting a truck and taking two or three days to move everything (rough budget is about $200 for new storage to set up and almost the same for the truck), I don't know if we even have the energy to do that. Especially driving a large box truck 30 miles. I did it once, six years ago when we moved here but that was a smaller truck than what we'll need moving everything in one fell swoop (to save on gas and time). Also on a time constraint since I'll be out of commission for doing something that strenuous in October. So once again, missed an opportunity that would have saved us money. The standard price they had listed on the website is almost half the price of what I'm paying now. 

Garden is barely surviving. I'm only using a gallon water jug to water the tomato and the oregano because it's been too hot and it's a waste of energy and water to drag the hose out to water empty dirt and two plants and the onions. I mean it's growing but not very much because it's so hot and it's trying to put roots out into warm mostly dry soil. I've been dumping about five or six gallons of water on everything and digging the soil a bit so it gets down deeper. I do what I can with what I've got.

I think about everyone that reads these posts almost every day. I got to chat with Devon and hear how he's doing (give hugs to Rem for me Dude). Wonder how everyone else is doing, even Mike and Nancy I worry about given how much older they are than me. If I don't say Happy Birthday or message on holidays it's not that I don't care, just... I lack good communication skills and am trying to work on that.I always worry that I'm catching someone at a bad time of day or their busy with something and don't want to be a pest. 

Just know that I do think about everyone and hope things are going well as they can for you all.