It's not a lot of pain but still.Ramblings

 It makes it difficult to move from sitting to standing and all that but mostly it's the fact I'm essentially wearing a binder on top and a girdle on bottom. If you've ever recovered from surgery, you know the feeling. 

That was at 11:20 or so this morning it got a bit warmer and currently at 5 pm it is 103. Needless to say we had the AC on low all night with the bedroom door closed. Front half of the apartment even with door and windows open never got below 84 and since the thermometer in the kitchen is next to the west facing window it gets up to 90 in that corner. I shifted the small but mighty turbo fan so it blows across the blinds and reduces the heat collecting there.

Part of my brain is thinking, 'why am I so stiff? I shouldn't feel this bad right?' My brain can't comprehend the toll even 'non-invasive' surgery does on an older body. Any body for that matter right? I keep thinking, 'come on how hard can this be to recover from just an overnight stay in the hospital?' I guess I'm going back to January when I had that serious bout of imbalance and almost bounced back immediately. Well not bounced back but more mobile than I am now. Considering I had double boob adjustment (reduction on left and minor increase on the right) and liposuction for the right side for the increased padding. That's considered 'non-invasive' but let me tell you my body is screaming 'invasion!' 

Just had a wonderful bowl of Chedder Broccoli soup with bacon bits thanks to my forethought shopping on Thursday. Got the two pack of soup and the big pack of pre-cooked bacon. Jon picked up a two pack of clam chowder (that's all his). I had a sausage egg croissant sandwich this morning for breakfast, lunch was BLT's and then the soup just now. So we're eating well and speaking of that, got the official letter from CalFresh that our monthly allotment will be upped to $340 from $314. I have no idea why it keeps going up and down like that when nothing has changed. Maybe it's the increase in utilities and the medical extras but I won't be amending anything at all. Just have to remember all my answers next time and then whatever else happens between now and then. We only spent about half of our money on Thursday so with the food we have and me not cooking much for the short term we might come out ahead next month (and since I said that will end up short or zero ).

Sleeping is the biggest inconvenience. I don't have a travel neck pillow, no extra pillows other than the mostly flat ones from the sofa, so I can fall asleep maybe for an hour or two and wake up almost more sore than before. Jon was entertaining the idea of getting a pair of recliners instead of the sofa and it just isn't going to work right now. All sorts of things need to happen before that can even be considered to rearrange everything in the front room. 

I have said before I'm not fond of my surgeon, he's not very amiable, doesn't offer a lot of information, always seems like he has more patients than he can handle so doesn't remember what I think are important details. When he came in to see me before I was discharged it was ::shake the hand how you doing, let's see how things look, everything looks good, when is our next appointment, Friday then will see you then shakes my hand:: and then he left. Didn't tell me what happened, how long the surgery was no details at all and I just felt like he was going through the motions. Would have been nice to say 'the reason why you're bound up like this is..' Oh and I'm not even seeing him personally on Friday, I'm seeing one of his assistants. Not a bad thing because they are more personable than he is by far. I do hope I don't ever need to see him again.

So day two post surgery, slow to heal haven't had a soda since Thursday but am holding off on that as long as possible because I'm not as dependent on them as before so if we go out to have food next week I might have one. Going to storage after the appointment is right out. I've barely done any knitting for that matter, the way I've been sleeping (ending up sleeping on that hand in an odd position which aggravates the tendonitis) and the hand-eye coordination being off from surgery just not good for knitting.

Okay that's all for today. No idea what we're having for meals tomorrow but I do know we have options.
 

Home and semi mobile

 Yesterday was pretty much a blur especially after surgery. I was slurring my words, couldn't move too fast and surprisingly got dizzy and nauseous if I did. That's the anesthesia of course I was fine about six hours later. I think. Definitely better in the morning but was still getting up a few times overnight to pee.

 First full meal. Bean and cheese enchilada and did not choose wisely with the potatoes and gravy. Enchiladas 8 out of 10, potatoes 2/10.  But I had orange jello and chocolate pudding and tortilla soup 8/10 but was mostly full by the time I got to it. The Sharp Memorial Hospital for Women and Children does good with their meals. Good portions and good tasting choices, no microwave meals for them.

Slow going right now for movement, bound top and middle but more on that later. Just wanted to check in and say I'm alive and recovery is progressing as much as it can.

 

Not as much anxiety

 

I thought Jon understood what is entailed with me taking a Lyft to get to the hospital by 5:30. Apparently I overestimated his thought process again. I mentioned how I was feeling kind of anxious about having to stand out on the curb and wait for my ride at 4 am and it took him two hours and a nap to come in and say, 'what did you say about waiting for your ride?' I told him I have to check in at the hospital at 5:30 so the ride would be here around 4:30 or so in the morning (it's not that far, the ride is only about 20 minutes so quick estimate was me getting there around 5 just to be sure). So I said I'd double check with Amber to see if she could do it and that came back negative (as I expected and not holding it against her). So he said he'd get up and go to the hospital with me. 

Ooof. 

Poor guy is going to try and nap on the waiting room couch or chair for three hours. He's going to need something to eat and coffee from the cafeteria. We'll have money by then so not much a problem but still, he'll be ready to go home by lunch time. Rocky is going to get fed really off schedule poor kitty, he's going to think we've abandoned him. Just normal me worrying about everyone else because I've got my stuff handled.

Still going through list in my head of what to bring, what not to bring and all that. Oh good news though, I was waiting for the 'official' notice of Medical renewal, hoping that all my info was good and finally got the letter saying I had been renewed. YAY!

My  hand is feeling better since I got a more rigid wrist and thumb brace at the pharmacy. Wearing that at night is helping a lot. The soreness is still there and have to be careful not to bend my hand down too far or it 'pulls' painfully.  Not the only position that's painful and the tylenol is helping but would likely be better if I could take a NSAID. DOH! Totally forgot to message surgeon office about the two prescriptions they were supposed to send to the pharmacy! Dangit, will have to do that in the morning. At least I'll be on some good pain drugs in the hospital so that will be the least of my worries for a few days.

Trying not to knit too much but that's my go to for keeping my brain and hands busy in anxiety.  

The other night I wasn't feeling good, my hand was hurting internals were not working well and then Rocky was out in the front room and annoyed Jon who threw a half full water bottle at him. Welll that startled me and  I got pissed so I went and threw the bottle back out in the living room but it hit the ceiling  making it even louder. I stormed back into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. 

Jon came in and apologized, I told him it startled me is all but I was really upset. He was being all quiet and sorry and I vaguely realized that was one of his early childhood triggers getting stuff thrown around by his bully of a dad. 

I didn't understand why I was so upset until much later.  My hand was hurting to the degree that reminded me of getting my other broken wrist set at the hospital. They had to pull on my thumb which was extremely painful but in a dull but persistent way and I was crying at the time. Same thing this time. I was overdue for Tylenol this time and I got that in me and didn't do much else until Jon came in to change for bed. He apologized and said he'd never in a million years would want to scare or hurt me and I said the same thing and we hugged hard.  It was not a good night but was better in the morning when I explained why I was so upset other than being startled.

We truly love and respect each other but we are human and our emotions sometimes get in the way. We're both anxiously waiting for money to hit the bank, I have so much to get done on Thursday it's ridiculous. Groceries, pharmacy, washing bedding and a nightshirt, possibly shopping for a new nightshirt that's a bit more comfy and button up, a meal out for the day and get enough groceries for quick meals for a week as well as restocking.  Wooof, a lot to be done in one day.

Will see how that goes and report back. 

 

Birthday money spent, pre-surgery anxiety settling in

Still not sleeping well for all the various reasons so kind of grumpy today with the weather looking like it should be raining. But it's 86 and muggy instead.

As far as the anxiety is concerned it's just making sure I have everything set, hoping money hits on the first and trying to figure out how to get Jon to the hospital and back home the day of. Simply because I'd like someone to be there when I wake up and get trundled up to my room. I think he and Amber were there the first time (a year ago) and then left after I came out of surgery. Honestly I don't remember that trip as much as the one in January with the busted phone. I really don't remember at all, Amber likely picked me up with Jon but other than that it's a total blank. Need to look back at my posts to see what happened. August 4 last year. Ah yes, technical difficulties with phone and ipad chargers, Jon stuck around and got a sandwich then Amber took him home later on, surgery was closer to midday last time. 

Depending on Amber's schedule with schoolwork she will likely pick him up and bring him over once I'm out of surgery and then she may have to skedaddle and come back later. It'll all work out one way or another.

I was a bit peeved earlier because for whatever reason Jon wasn't considering any of the leftovers we have. I made a huge pan of the 'tex mex pasta' which was delicious and figured he'd use some tomato sauce and make soup out of it. Nope. So we've been eating out more than usual which is one reason but now it's over the '3 day rule' he has and since I'm not going to be eating it much, it can't be frozen at this point so have to toss the casserole dish size food out. He's pretty much a ' one and done' with home made food unless there's no other option and it's within that window. We also have a full rice and beans pre made pack in the fridge that he realized wasn't as tasty as he thought it would be. So that unopened food has to be tossed as well. 

Just so frustrating with costs of food and me cooking something to try and stretch a few days and it's all being wasted. This time around it's mostly my fault but eating out is so rare for us I took advantage of the opportunity. I've been thinking about those 'souper cubes' the silicon cube trays for freezing soup and other things in it to keep handy in the freezer. Two problems: 1. where do we store the actual trays and 2. We don't do soups that often, I'm getting less and less inclined to do things like broth and soup from scratch and we don't have a lot of freezer room. 

Sizing down recipes for me is more difficult than you would think. All my hamburger is frozen in 1 lb portions, chicken is pre-portioned in 2-4 pieces depending on whether it's a breast or thighs. I prefer the quality at Costco and that's the way it goes.  Usually he's a a prodigious food hound but not so much anymore. On that note, he's lost almost ten pounds since he's on all his meds for various things. As soon as he gets a new pair of shoes we'll be going to the mall to walk for ten minutes as often as we can but minimum once a week according to the doctor.

He's now trying to scrape out the oven pan I used for the chicken today because I forgot we didn't have any foil to line it.  You put soap and baking soda in, add hot water and let it sit for an hour or so, that will loosen up the majority of the stuck on stuff instead of scraping with a plastic spatula. We don't have any metal utensils because of all the non stick we use. He's got no patience for cleaning like that.

Okay enough ranting for now. Will probably update on Thursday night/afternoon when I'm totally losing my mind. This isn't nearly as bad as packing for a vacation but still nerve wracking.

 

Call is done, early birthday fun money

 I didn't sleep very well and missed about two or three hours so when I woke up around 6:30, stayed up until Jon woke up about an hour later then went back to bed. I intended to sleep only for about two hours. well that turned into three because I woke up around 11. Realized I needed to take my morning pills and proceeded to wake up as quickly as possible, grab a bowl of cereal then remembered I had to be awake and alert by noon to take the pre-anesthesia call. 

So, about that. Got my headset connected to phone instead of computer, told Jon to go get his shower because I had to wait for phone call. 12:30 rolls around, 12:40.... Jon is out of the shower and getting dressed, I'm still waiting... he goes out to the front room and finally around 1 the call comes in, does not connect to headset so have to use phone to my ear. I wanted to have hands free so I could read my notes for meds and stuff on my phone. Oh well. 

All the usual questions, the nurse on the other end was very cheerful and engaging so very much of a bonus.  Call only took about 20 or 30 minutes and I was very much ready for my shower.  Looked out in the living room and Jon is slack jawed asleep so I just hop in the shower. I got an early birthday gift of money so we were going to our favorite Mexican place for late lunch. Funny how when we get extra money the first thing we think about is eating out. 

Late it was for sure. We didn't get there until about 2 pm but it was still delicious, even though I can't eat a big meal like that anymore. Have to remember no combination, just rolled tacos or two beef tacos no rice and beans. Stopped at the store on the way home and picked up a chocolate mouse tuxedo cake and then had to hit the bathroom as soon as we got up stairs. Curse you Crohn's!

So we're on the final countdown for surgery, slowly gathering things to put in a small bag for overnight, picked out loosest of my Hawaiian shirts and will wear sweatpants home. Nurse mentioned bring a robe or whatever I need. I have a 'robe' but it's more like a knee length flannel shirt I picked up off the table downstairs. Not as roomy as I'm going to need so I'll see about looking for one at Walmart or someplace.

Another development is related to my knitting. I've been getting pains in my right wrist and thumb due to working on tiny yarn and needles too much. So I got out my wrist brace about a week ago (which is no where to be found now for some reason) but thought maybe that was too restrictive and got a more elastic 'support' glove. Doing research thinking I had 'knitters thumb' (which from all the descriptions is just aggravated arthritis in the joint) but my pain is further up the arm just behind and including the wrist bump.  Turns out (according to webMD and other orthopedic sources) it is a very specific form of tendonitis. 

DeQuervain's Tenosynovitis. There are specific wrist and thumb braces for it which I will look into but for now, have to not knit as much, keep the thumb and wrist stable as possible (that wrist brace I had would be great!) and ice the area to reduce inflammation. Typical recovery time when that is done properly, 4-6 weeks. Well probably longer in my case since I need to do something with my hands in the hospital and other places. Photo is my attempt with an ace bandage to stabilize thumb and wrist over the half glove I bought. Partially successful and completely immobilized my hand which made it impossible to type or do much else with that hand. So experiment done, took it off.

The other things I am getting with the birthday money are rather mundane, a two pack of one of my favorite deodorants, some new tips for my apple pencil that are soft or at least more 'paper like' traction that actually are the nibs not covers. Tired of having the little silicone cover disappear when I move my pencil on the bed or it gets caught in a shirt or something. Will see how that works out and then a sock knitting book I don't have even in storage. Contemplating some yarn as well but am trying to be careful with spending this extra money. It's 'fun' money and sure, I could have used it to pay the sdge bill but this money is on paypal and the sdge is set up for bank account only. I'm not late on paying it and will be able to pay it when it's due so I'm not worried about it.

Windows and door are open for the evening, Rocky is pacing from bedroom to front door to go out on grass time but I need to hit the commode before anything else.

'It's the final count down.....' 

 

 

 

Nothing too new but reconciliation and explanation

 I have been feeling fatigued and tired more than reasonable lately. At first attributed to not getting good sleep, frequent bathroom sessions that leave me drained and generally not 'on top of my game' as it were. When you are more aware of your usual body signals, much like noises in a car, you know when something is off.  

With the mood swing and exhaustion and everything I decided to follow a hunch and look up the side effects of one of my meds. Sure enough, and it's the 'chemo' pill I'm taking. 

Hot flashes and night sweats

Joint and muscle pain or stiffness

Extreme tiredness or fatigue

Trouble sleeping (insomnia)

Headaches and dizziness

Nausea or mild stomach upset

Mood changes, including low mood or anxiety

Hair loss or thinning  

And there you have it. The first four , skip the headaches and nausea then continue with the mood changes and hair loss. The night sweats and hot flashes, can't tell when it's hot outside and inside whether it's me or the weather. Everything else though, yeah pretty much the check list. I was wondering if it was my imagination that my hair was thinning out in the back but nope... side effect.

I'll have to verify with my doctor on how long I can expect to be on this. Info online says anywhere from 2-3 years to 5-10 years. The second number is for 'primary' breast cancer, I don't think that applies to me but will check with the doctor. i can let her know that the side effects are impacting my life a bit more than I think I can tolerate.

Other than that, Jon and I 'made up' last night, both of us realized we had not been communicating effectively, mostly on my end. If I'm planning something I need to tell him in detail what needs to happen or get done and then repeat it to remind him however many days ahead it is. Reminding him the night before of an appointment the next day for me, plans to go to the store or pharmacy. Make sure his attention isn't being divided with anything else so the message gets through.  He had completely forgotten when I told him initially I wanted to go to storage after my doctor appointment and wanted to clear the corner so we can decorate for Christmas. All he heard was 'will be in that general direction of storage and want to drop things off'. 

A wonderful friend who has helped me with food and I've given her and her family rides to airport and places has offered to give me a ride home from the hospital when they release me. She also offered foodstuffs and any other things like that (due to her extreme feline allergy she can't come into the apartment at all). She said that she has another very good friend going through a worse bout of breast cancer treatment but is across the country so she's transferring what help she can to me. Again, I am forever grateful and count my blessings for friends and family that are able to help when needed. I wish I could do more in returning the favors in a larger way than heartfelt thank you's and yarn trades. I was going to trade the huge bag of yarn for some veggies she had to spare so when I told her I just took it to goodwill she said it's all good, she put the veggies up on the 'no buy' site for her neighborhood anyway. It all works out one way or another.

Shawl is coming along nicely, colors don't really show well in the lighting and I even tried to adjust the tint a bit but it's close enough. Still working on two other pairs of socks, plans for at least two or three others and not nearly enough needle sets in the sizes I need. Sock knitting is wrecking my thumb so have to work on the shawl for a day or two then the socks, and alternate that way. I'm sure I mentioned that before so sorry for the reiteration, not much else to talk about that I can remember.

 If I can't remember it, must not have been important right? Brain fog fatigue, that's what it is.  

Goodnight. 

  

 

 

Time is set. Hooboy

 So first, the weather is continuing to be very pleasant, brezy and warm but not hot so for another hour or so at least we can keep everything open and air flowing. Despite that I haven't been sleeping well and can't figure out the cause. 

 Here is a picture of Rocky, sitting as close to 'daddy' as possible. Jon is not just allergic he doesn't like clingy animals or people for that matter. So typical cat behaviors of sitting on his lap and making biscuits, not happening.

So. Surgery slots are apparently first come first served and Camberos decided he wanted first opening slot. 7:30 am. Which means 5:30 check in, which means 3:30 wake up for me. Because it's so early I let Amber know and we mutually non-verbally agreed that shuttling was not going to be her job that day. She did offer to pay for a Lyft ride though and then Jon and I agreed that as much as I'd like to have him there, it would pretty much be useless. He would have no way of getting home other than Lyft and so he'll stay home, say goodbye when I leave and he can go back to bed. As soon as I'm conscious enough will call him,  probably around lunch. Two and a half hour surgery typically so yeah by the time I'm in a room it'll be lunch time.  

The plan for reconstruction is the right side will basically be the same as it is now but softer, the left side will be reduced a bit with taking out the implant and possibly putting in another. Third time he's talked about it and third time it's been different. If he did add tissue to the right side it would be coming off my hips/butt area. I don't need more wounds to heal at this point so just getting them a bit more equal is all I'm looking for.  Good news is, I don't have to sleep sitting up for a week like last time, nurse said only three days and that includes the day of surgery and then I can sleep on my back only.  That's a big relief for sure. But then I won't be able to take a full body shower for a week. 

Anyway. I really wanted to sleep in another hour this morning but Jon sprang out of bed hours earlier than necessary because we had to leave around 11 for my final appointment with breast surgeon. And making a trip to storage on the way home, which I didn't communicate effectively over the previous few days. But then since getting our shots on Monday, neither of us have been feeling on top of things and so there you have the breakdown of communication.

I told him last week that I had an appointment in that direction and wanted to swing by storage and pull some Christmas stuff out and get other stuff put in. Well, me not wanting to pressure him didn't say anything until yesterday which he also forgot. I started collecting stuff from the corner and being exhausted was sighing and he took my noise and sighing as signs of being angry with him. Apparently I should have been 'nagging'/reminding him every day instead of thinking he would remember. So me not being in a good mood and him not being in a good mood made for very strained movements and communication. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After and before. Hard to tell because of the fan but he moved a lot of the boxes of his yearly records and stuff under the bed. We took the two dining chairs and the stool out and the big bag of yarn and a few other things to goodwill. It did make a difference.  So much more that could be done but we are out of time until mid October again. At least I got some Christmas stuff out, the garland and some ornaments. When I opened the storage door the hope of finding my box of knitting books was immediately tossed. That will have to be another day unfortunately and because Jon was in a subdued mood I wasn't going to do much other than get the boxes I needed and pull a few things for goodwill. Which turned out to be the tiny charcoal bbq and a cat bed Rocky used when we were in hotels. That was it. So not much of an exchange really and hoping to work on communicating to Jon my intentions a bit better. So much of what is in my storage is large boxes of things that are Jon's. I wanted to ask if he could part with the folding table saw but it wasn't the right time. Going to have to make the time to be the right time but again, with the way things are going I don't know when that will happen.

I still haven't called SDGE because I mostly figured out the bill on my own. The total due was for what I owed in regular use and the past due. I was able to pay the past due and now the remainder isn't due  until October 3. Go figure. Projected bill for next month is going to be even more heinous than this one unfortunately. And I still have a lot of questions for how the bill is set up. As long as I can pay on time or before I think it'll be okay.  I tried to use their AI chat bot to ask but it kept defaulting to 'how can I help you' so I gave up.

Now have to get my list of hospital stuff to take with me, arrange to wash the bedding the day before, dang left my instruction folder in the car, will get that later. Need my meds for sure, phone charged, not bringing laptop, one sock knitting project. Will be hooked up to an  IV until discharge most likely, SOP for post op. Regular hourly or every four hour vitals checks, won't likely get much done but I refuse to watch hospital tv. If I'm a good girl and have no issues will discharge me sometime on Saturday, hope I get to have that lobster I missed out on last time.

Oh and just a CMA (cover my ass) I mailed off the two multipage forms that Medical was requesting that apparently they didn't accept electronically. Will see what happens because that due date I thought was the 20th but the two forms I found were for the 18th. Hope I haven't screwed up. The only way of contact on this page is to send a 'request to ask for appointment with case worker'. Right. If they needed a specific question clarified then they should have sent me a direct message saying so instead of asking for my bank records for the past 30 days and the specific asset form filled out. 

Anyway. Will go do some knitting, got the Lyft app installed on my phone so I don't have to worry about that the day before. Dang that other form for payment exemption... off to the pile of papers.