Just decided to do it now, we can't wait for another three years, EDD is cut off until spring of next year and we would be screwed to wait until that kicked back in. There is a slight chance they would restart it after a month but can't get on that either. Benefits calculator says I'm eligible for $1017 a month. I don't know if that includes the extra they are adding on to it next year but will find out when they contact me. I didn't use I.D.Me which would have sent all that information to them. I did it afterward and hope I don't have to go to an actual office with my birth certificate for them to copy.
So between Jon and I we'll be getting about $2100 a month. That is a sustainable income for us where we are. Sustainable but still not a lot of cushion if something happens. We designated both of as recipients should one of us die. A small small chance I can claim some of David's SS for me being formerly married for 10 years. Crossing fingers that gives it a boost. My money would come in the first week of the month and his would be the second week so we will have some budget juggling to do in order to pay bills on time. We can do this.
I was pondering the other day that most of my life (and likely other people as well) have different points in time they look forward to. When you're young you look forward to school, then graduating, then college and getting a job. Then it's finding someone to marry and maybe have kids, and getting a house. I remember distinct points in my life where I had to plan for a wedding, then got pregnant and looked forward to raising kids. Then it was looking forward to when they started school and were out of the house most of the day. I have one point where I was looking forward to Devon starting school so I wasn't chasing after him all the time. Then that happened and it was all a blur of things happening that went wrong and couldn't wait until they all started college or left home. I didn't start looking forward to a time when I could retire until about ten years ago or so. I was so tired of working all my adult life I just wanted to have the time to sit and do whatever I wanted and have a steady income without working for it.
Well here I am. Finally getting my retirement and it isn't exactly what I was imagining but nothing is really. In my head I still think I'm in my 30's and have decades ahead of me to enjoy doing what I want to have fun with Jon. Then I stop and realize I'm 63, who knows how much longer we've got and will likely never have an idyllic home to live in. I always wanted to have the kind of house my parents had where there was enough room for the kids and grandkids to come visit for the holidays. Get everything all gussied up, have rooms for hobbies and stuff. We barely have enough room for us and our bare minimum in our current place. Again my brain thinks I'm young enough that we still have time to find an ideal house. Sigh I want a place where Jon has his collection/hobby room, we have a kitchen big enough for two people to work without crowding, a room for my hobbies and our bedroom. A long porch or maybe wraparound deck for Rocky to have his space as well as a yard for a small garden for me to putter in. Nothing fancy, that is our bare minimum and the only way we could ever see that is having a windfall of a million dollars tax free and we would be set. Or a spanking new mobile home on a lot. The house wouldn't even cost that much, about half that would be plenty to get a custom house in Washington and move there, enough to rent a place until that's built.
So many plans and dreams.
If Jon and Rocky are happy I'm happy and that's not just a suffering kind of pleaser reaction like before. It makes me more relaxed and can enjoy things better when I know the people around me are in the same state. I can tell when Jon has something on his mind or is bothered by something and will ask to make sure he's good or if it's something I did. I know some things I do can make him tense or subdued and I'm learning how to not do them. I'm not doing it out of fear I'm doing it out of concern and compassion for him. I would do that for anyone and it's something people often confuse with being submissive. He's learning to ask for help or saying he's not feeling well or hurt himself instead of just 'suffering and thinking he's a crybaby'. I have had to tell him a few times I need to know if he's hurt himself or not feeling up to something. I can work around it. Like taking a walk on one of our trails. He did something to his hip and walking difficult trails aggravates it so I make sure he's okay with walking before choosing where we go for a walk. I'm trying to watch out for both of us just as he is and it's a wonderful feeling to know someone truly cares about me without having a hidden agenda or psychological reason that dates back to their childhood. I'll never get the New Yorker street kid out of him, but I try and talk about situations with him and let him know that he can be relaxed, I'm keeping an eye out as well.
Meanwhile back in reality, it's raining finally! Finally feels like winter and as little as it is, we still need whatever we can get. There are some lakes that are completely empty due to the multi year drought.
Oh! The parrot flock is coming through an hour early! They usually fly over around 4:30 and I can hear them outside. The overcast must be confusing them as to what time it is or they know it will get dark sooner and start flying in order to settle in before that. Dozens and dozens of Red Fronted Amazon parrots have several flocks in San Diego and are actually native to Mexico.
Anywho...that's about it. Maybe a picture of my latest painting and then I'm done with the update.
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| "Stumped" |
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