It is hot as blazes outside. When did I get to be a wimp when it's in the high 80's outside? Seems like anything over 80 is intolerable now and we're going through a week of it being 96 for five straight days now.
From last week, we closed up and ran the AC around 11 or noon. Yesterday and today we ran the ac at night and when I walked out to the rest of the apartment it was already 86. So here we are running a loud fan and ac next to my desk in the bedroom with the shields up to blast the air to the rest of the apartment. Temp dropped four degrees in an hour. That may not seem like much but it's the difference between 86 and 82. A world of comfort different absolutely.
I get money next week and out of my check I need to get:
Oil change for my car that's overdue by three months, allergy medicine for Jon who ran out two weeks ago and has been suffering with allergy pills that don't work as well, pay half the rent, storage payment, something to SDGE and internet and I'm out of money. Literally. Oh and Costco is up this month too. We need that for gas and a few essential items like paper goods and some food things. Jon said he could give me the money for Costco when he gets paid.
Somethings got to give us a break.
We went to storage last week to see if we can pull anything out to sell or give away. We don't have the 'real estate' as Jon puts it, to store large items in the apartment to stage and take pictures and then, because in order to sell it someone would have to come pick it up. It's just not feasible. I have a bed frame, a bookcase, boxes of stuff but it's all buried behind other boxes of stuff. We would need two more people to help haul it all out and organize it then find someplace (free) to store it.
Anyone got ideas on that? A relative said 'just sell everything in storage and move then buy new stuff later'. You want to know how angry that makes me? How 'tone deaf' that sounds when you assume way too much and don't know the situation.
My jewelry is pennies and nickles in the grand scheme of things, some of it I wouldn't buy if I saw it in a thrift store. Seriously some of it is that cheap and home made it looks. I have no gold or silver or anything of value, Jon does and I am trying to not force him to start selling his personal items. I mentioned it the other day and ended up crying because I had promised him I wouldn't be that kind of person to just tell him to do that. I told him that something only has a dollar value if you sell it for that much. Collecting things and saying 'it's worth this much' is stupid, that's why I never collected stuff. Anything that I would want to sell is buried so deep I have no idea where it is.
So here we sit looking at another month of being broke and barely surviving. Bills coming due and we have no money to pay them. Credit card is three months behind now so that shoots my credit score down 200 points which doesn't really matter anymore since we're not going to be buying a house or anything any time soon.
I did pull out my book I'm writing and started editing that again. Got the maps from storage that I needed and realized if I wanted to go by that map I was way off on my travel times for the story. Not that it'll matter really it's not like I have to have it done any time soon. Something to occupy my head so I don't chew my fingernails from anxiety.
A site called Reviewers.org was sponsoring a thing to pay $2400 to someone who would go 24 hours without any modern connection tech. Computers, ipads, laptops, smartphones or watches, none of that. Microwaves and medical devices are exempt, so mostly it's just trying to 'unplug' from society for 24 hours. I'm connected and have been for years but I don't have all the social media stuff they were giving as examples. I've got facebook and this and that's all. I signed up for it, gave a short reason why it's a good idea and then realized after I sent it I could have said so much more about how much time I spend on the computer. Oh well. About as much chance of getting that as winning the lottery at this point.
I got the crazy idea that if I ever did get a house with enough land for a garden maybe it would be enough to have neighbors and kids or schools come over and start a community garden thing. One of those farm/garden places for kids to have a field trip. But again, that's another wild and crazy idea. If the weather keeps going the way it is, the only place that's going to have water is places like Crater Lake and Tahoe. Sure there are ways of being self sufficient on the land with solar panels and water collection or deep wells but anyone have a million dollars to work on that?
The world is getting to a very depressing and no turning back point and we're in the same situation. Can't go forward, no going back I am an inherently lazy person and depression doesn't help that.
So anyway, in a funk, garden is a mess, too hot to be outside and do anything so just sit inside for another 24 hours and try to keep my brain active. At least Rocky got to have a walk today, didn't do it yesterday and he was off the wall stir crazy.
I am so done right now mentally and emotionally.
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